The Unkind Night
by MarcusWolf828
Summary: Lily Evans deals with love, betrayal, and frienship. Sometimes the person you're looking for is standing right next to you. LESS, LEJP, LERL, JPSB
1. Secrets in the Dark

Author's Notes: MWPP era. LE/SS LE/JP LE/RL JP/SB -Takes place January of 6th year, 1977. HP lexicon

consulted for timeline consistency.

This story is a gift for my lovely girlfriend on her birthday. hugs and kisses

There is a "soundtrack" of sorts for this story. You can choose to Ignore this.

These Songs Apply to the first 4 chapters.

"Plenty" - Sarah Mclachlan LE-SS  
"Only One" - Yellowcard SS/LE  
"Weight of the World" - Saliva SS-LE  
"Fall to Peices" - Avril Lavigne LE/SS

These songs Apply to the fic in general.

"Breathing" - Yellowcard JP/LE

"Cold" - Crossfade - SS-LE  
"Rest in Peices" Saliva SS-LE

"Time" - Sarah McLachlan LE-JP  
"Near You" - Jewel LE/RL  
"Answer" - Sarah McLachlan LE/RL

Chapter 1:  Secrets in the Dark

_He's late…_

First day after the holiday, Lily Evans leaned against a wall in the dungeon, halfway between a suit of armor  
and a portrait of a former Slytherin headmaster. It was a quarter after midnight.

_What's taking him so long? I haven't been waiting in the wrong spot, I've met him here many times…_

She sighed and a piece of her hair was blown into her face in the process. She brushed it away angrily

"Having a bad hair day?" a voice called from the darkness.

Lily turned to the sound and smiled as Severus stepped into the dim torchlight. His face was shiny with an  
unusual amount of grease, even for him.

"Sev!" she called as she rushed to embrace him. "I've missed you!"

The boy tried to stifle a gasp "Lily, please not so tight..."

She withdrew immediately. "What's wrong?" she asked, raising her eyebrow, but keeping an air of  
seriousness by crossing her arms.

"Nothing much, " he sighed, rubbing his side. "Just my father's Christmas present."

She nodded, knowingly, understanding his tardiness now. "You can go back to the dormitory if you  
like," she suggested with a bit of disappointment. "We're back at Hogwarts, we can see each other  
whenever we like again…"

"Anytime we like past curfew, you mean…" Severus mumbled, then turned to her again. "But no. It's  
been too long since I've last seen you." He smiled slyly, then added; "Just be gentle."

"I see." Lily said, lifting an eyebrow. "Then I will… be gentle."

She let her arms rest on Snape's shoulders and gave a few light, teasing kisses, making his warm lips  
beg for something deeper.

She lifted a hand to brush away some of his hair that was starting to get in the way, and her hand came  
back slicked in sweat. She gently pulled away.

It was then she noticed that his eyes were a bit too glassy for the small amount of arousal taking place,  
and his hands were slightly trembling.

"Sev?" she asked, putting both hands on his cheeks now, to check for temperature. "Are you all right?"

"It's nothing… I'm fine..."

"Just how hard did he hit you? Did he break skin, Sev?" Lily asked, looking him in the eyes.

Snape looked away from her and nodded reluctantly.

"Can I see it?"

He unbuttoned his shirt, making sure not to look at her. On his left side of his pale, over-thin torso,  
there was a large makeshift bandage that was crusted with dried blood.

Lily had seen all his injuries ever since they began to become intimate, but this was by far the worst.

_How could he do that to his own son?_ Lily asked herself once more.

"Sev, you should really have gone straight to the hospital wing with something like this—"

"I can't. Not this time." He said, re-buttoning his shirt with some haste.

"But Severus, really, it's obviously infected with the way you're sweating and shaking like that." She raised  
her hand to his forehead. "And you might have a fever. This is not something you can just ignore like the  
other times—"

"Please Lily," He pleaded, meeting her gaze for the first time, "Don't make me… I can't… not this time."

Lily knew it was embarrassing for him, so she didn't press the issue.

"But you're in pain, Sev. You didn't have to come and see me. You should have gone to bed."

The boy smiled at that. "I thought about it… I could have… I could have faced your wrath tomorrow…  
but you're too enticing for me to let an opportunity to see you be wasted on something like bodily injury."

She smiled too, then and made her way closer to him. "That is true." She kissed him, a deeper kiss,  
one more to his liking. "Go to bed, Sev, and take care of yourself. I can meet you here again on Friday,  
when you're feeling better."

His hand cupped the back of her head as he leaned in for another kiss.

"Friday is so far away…" he complained.

"Three days, Sev. You can survive I'm sure."

She smiled one last time and turned away to make her way to her own bed, back in Gryffindor Tower.

* * *

Lily was concerned for Snape the next day when he didn't show for classes or meals.

At lunch she heard the Slytherin table roaring with gossip. "Missing all night" and "practically collapsed"  
were some of the only snatches of conversation she could make out. That was enough to have her worried.

A sudden hand on her shoulder made her jump.

"Sorry, Lily. I didn't mean to frighten you." It was the soft voice of Remus Lupin, and Lily relaxed at his tone.

"It's ok. I was just… lost in thought, I guess."

Remus sat down beside her. "Oh? Anything you want to share?"

Lily shook her head. "Not now, Remus. Maybe later, in private."

Remus nodded. He was the only other person who knew about her late night meetings with Severus.

Somehow, Lily felt she could trust him.

"After dinner then? We can find a quiet corner in the common room." Remus suggested. "I can tell that  
you're worried about something."

"Yes. Let's do that—" Lily would have said more, but that moment, James Potter and Sirius Black burst  
into the room, the doors of the great hall shuddering with the impact of the wall. They were both flushed and  
out of breath and being chased by… a professor?

Professor Averill, head of Slytherin house, quickly followed behind them. His hair was colored pink, and his  
robes seemed to be stained in purple with yellow hearts.

James turned to look back at his progress and tripped on a loose stone on the floor. Lily closed her eyes and  
waited for the dull slapping sound that occurred when flesh meets stone, but it never came.

She looked up, and James was being healed by the collar of his robes with a wand to his throat – it was  
Professor Averill.

"You insolent little brat! I ought to teach you a lesson you won't—"

Averill was cut off by the presence of the headmaster; Professor Albus Dumbledore.

"That's quite enough Alfred. I think you've made your point." Dumbledore peered at Averill over the rims of his  
glasses, his gaze implying that the professor had yet again come close to crossing the line.

"Yes, Albus I think you're right." He said, letting go of James' collar with a huff.

"Detention, boys - 8 o'clock, with Mr. Chambers. "

Lily could see Sirius let out a heavy disgruntled sigh. Every student hated detention with Mr. Chambers,  
the custodian.

"Come Alfred, I'll set you right," said Dumbledore, leading the other teacher out of the hall.

James and Sirius bounded up to the Gryffindor table, greeted by cheers as they approached.

"Did you see that!" shouted Sirius in triumph, "Old Averill didn't know what hit him!"

"Entirely _my_ idea," boasted James, pointing a thumb to himself.

A small mousey boy named Peter Pettigrew was clapping furiously. "Yes, yes, James! That was brilliant!"

Lily rolled her eyes. It was the same old thing. James and Sirius pull some prank, get in trouble, and are  
_proud_ of it. She couldn't stand to see Pettigrew fawn all over them like that.

The Gryffindor table was still bustling with excitement when James strutted over to her.

"See that, Evans? The hearts were for you." He winked at her.

Lily turned the other way. "I'm not even going to dignify that with a proper response."

"You just did, you know." James retorted, taking a grape off of the plate of fruit on the table and popping  
it in his mouth.

Lily didn't say a word this time. She got up and left, feeling the common room would be better suited for  
continuing the remainder of the lunch hour.

As she passed the length of the Slytherin table again, she paused briefly as someone whispered "Did you  
hear about Snape?"

If she had stayed a moment longer, she would have heard someone respond "Yeah, it was about time."

Lily was lost in her thoughts, walking slowly back to Gryffindor tower.

_I should have made him go the hospital wing last night…I knew it was more serious than he tried to tell me._

The sound of footsteps close behind snapped her back to reality, and she turned around.

"Hello Lily."

It was Severus, looking much better than she had anticipated.

She smiled and let out a breath she didn't know she was holding. "Sev, you're okay!"

He gave a crooked half smile and embraced her. "Yes, I'm fine. I went to the hospital wing this morning  
and had Madam Pomfrey patch me up."

"You worry me sometimes, you know that? Hearing all that Slytherin gossip…"

Lily thought she saw Snape look slightly startled as she spoke, but she was too relieved to give it any mind.

"But it doesn't matter. You're all right now." She smiled again and kissed him on the cheek.

He smiled too, but it seemed almost reserved this time.

Footsteps echoing in a hallway nearby reminded them that in daylight hours, they were simply a Gryffindor  
and a Slytherin, and had no reason to even be talking to one another.

They immediately resumed their roles and as Lily turned away, she could have sworn she heard Snape sigh.

* * *

When she did enter the common room, she was surprised to find Remus Lupin in a chair by a window  
in a dusty corner.

"Hello, Remus," she said in greeting. "I thought you'd be down at lunch?"

He gave a weary smile. "I haven't been hungry the past few days." He lowered his voice and winked. "It's near  
my time of the month."

She sat in a chair opposite him. "It's Friday, isn't it?" She asked with a slight sigh.

"Yes, Well, don't worry about me, Lily. Something's on your mind today. We're here, so let's talk." He smiled  
more heartily now, as though trying to keep up appearances.

"Oh, it's all right now, Remus," she said. "I was just worried about Severus, as always."

"Because he didn't show up for classes?" guessed Lupin.

"Well, yes…" she hesitated, and Lupin could tell there was more to the story.

"Go on," he encouraged with a wave of his hand.

She leaned forward and kept her voice low. "I met with him last night," she said. "He had an… _incident_ with his  
father over the holiday and he was in pretty rough shape… I told him to go to the hospital wing, but he wouldn't  
hear it."

Remus sighed heavily and leaned back in the chair. "When will Severus learn to take care of himself?" he  
whispered to no one in particular, and then turned back to Lily. "But do go on."

"Don't worry this time, Remus, I saw him a few minute ago and he was fine. He told me that he went to the hospital  
wing this morning. That's why he was out of class."

Lupin nodded. "Yes, I saw him as he was coming out and I was going in. His arm's okay now? I thought it wasn't  
completely healed?"

Lily cocked her head in confusion. "Arm? He didn't tell me his arm was hurt. He showed me his side. It was all  
wrapped up in a bloody bandage…" she trailed off and looked at Lupin for a possible answer.

"Oh," said Lupin. "It's possible he didn't think it was worth mentioning, with the other injury being much worse,  
as it sounds like."

"Maybe you're right," said Lily. "But he's always told me about all his injuries since I've known about what  
happens." She was still puzzled but the better part of her told her to pay it no mind.

"Well, he's okay now," said Lupin. "It didn't seem to be anything major, on his arm. It wasn't bloody or anything."

"That's good at least."

The bell signaling that lunch was over rung shrilly against the stone walls in the common room and the two of  
them got up instinctively to go to class.

"Hey,"

Lily turned around when Lupin called to her.

"Yes?"

"I'm sure things will be all right."

She smiled softly at him. "Thanks, Remus."


	2. Late Night Meetings

Chapter 2: Late Night Meetings

One day faded into the next, and on Thursday morning, Lily had NEWT level potions class first period and  
she was walked down to the dungeon with a cauldron swinging at her side.

Severus was in that class, of course. He had often told Lily of how he wished to be apprenticed to a  
Potion's Master after he graduated Hogwarts.

Lily remembered helping him write his essay just before they left for holiday, as part of his application to  
schools in France and Germany, where you could find an apprenticeship after a year of graduate study.

The classroom was just up ahead, and Lily saw Snape turn to look at her briefly from the doorframe. She  
followed him in a resisted the urge to smile.

Any hint of caring, any show of tenderness for each other, and Severus would be outcast in his own house,  
and they treated him badly enough already. Especially since You-Know-Who had come into power,

Slytherins did not associate with Gryffindors or Muggle-borns. Lily was both.

She sat down just as Professor Randall began announcing the lesson for the day.

"Today, class, we'll be preparing a memory enhancing potion, which, despite what you may think at first,  
will not help you prepare for your NEWTs…"

Professor Randall was a portly, balding man, and had a way of making the most interesting subject boring.

Yet, whenever Lily turned to glance at Severus, he was always attentive and took notes with a passionate,  
almost frenzied look in his eyes.

"Potions work is my ticket out of England," Severus had once said. "And away from my father."

Lily's own notes were just from the board. She never paid much attention to the lecture. She much preferred  
to daydream and work from the book.

However, that moment, Snape's voice interrupted her thoughts. "Evans, pass me that willow bark." He looked  
pointedly at her from the cauldron station in front of her.

She did as she was told, and when the jar was returned, there was a small slip of paper mixed in with the  
ingredients. Lily fished it out when no one was looking.

_Meet me tonight at the usual place, the usual time.  
–S._

She didn't dare nod to him or make any motion that she had understood, besides the fact that Snape would  
never turn around again in that class period.

The rest of class was uneventful and Lily went about her day.

At dinner she sat down across from Sirius Black, who was strangely alone.

"Evening, Sirius," she said in greeting.

"Hello." He seemed almost sad.

"What's the matter with you?"

"Nothing much." Sirius took a bite of ham that was on his plate and looked away from her.

Lily took this as a sign that the conversation was over. "Okay then."

She ate several bites of her own food, her mind numbed by the chatter of the great hall.

"Hey, uh, Evans?" Sirius was fiddling with a pile of peas on his plate

She looked up at him. "Yes?"

"I wanted to ask you, I mean, I needed some advice." He sat up a little straighter on the bench.

She nodded. "I'm all ears, then." She wondered what kind of advice Sirius would need, since he never thought  
anything through.

"There's someone I like," he said. "Well, more than like. I sort of like-like them, if you know what I mean." He  
was starting to blush a little.

Lily wondered who this girl could be. She'd never seen Sirius around any girls other than her. _And he knows that  
James would be very upset if he were to suddenly come on to me, _thought Lily.

"Well, what is it you want to know?" she asked, genuinely curious now, and a little nervous that this girl is her.

"I'm not so sure that they like me, you see. And I was wondering what I should do about it." He scratched the back  
of his head. "I mean, I don't know how they would take it."

She smiled despite herself. "Sometimes you just have to go for it." She said, remembering her first days with  
Severus. "The last boy who showed me he wanted to go out with me just jumped up and kissed me on the cheek  
when no one was looking. It was kind of romantic – if unexpected."

It wasn't exactly a lie, although she forgot to mention that she was still dating said boy. Or that the boy was a certain  
Slytherin named Severus Snape.

"I'm not so sure that would work," said Sirius, looking like he was thinking hard.

"Well, use your best judgment then. You could ask her out to a Hogsmede weekend, or give her a nice card or  
something."

Sirius still looked skeptical.

"Or, you can just be friends first. Try making her laugh. See if she likes a good joke." Lily shrugged; she was running  
out of ideas.

"Well, I'll think about it." Sirius said, taking a few more bites of food and looking thoughtful. "Thanks."

The common room was strangely quiet after dinner, and Lily found herself not able to concentrate on her homework,  
instead staring at the grandfather clock by the fireplace waiting for midnight to come.

There was no one to talk to. Remus didn't feel quite up to do much but sleep, and James, Sirius and Peter were  
out causing trouble of some kind.

She was glad though, that he had friends like James and Sirius. She was glad that they learned to become animagi  
so they could be with him on the full moon. Lily tried a few times on her own, wanting to be there for Remus when  
he needed someone to keep him sane. But she never managed it.

On Remus' request, she had gone with them to Hogsmede a few times, but she found the trip uninteresting as they  
spent the time mostly perusing the aisles of Zonko's joke shop. It was also uncomfortable since James was  
constantly ogling her.

They had lost her respect, however, last year during the owls when they had been particularly nasty to Snape and  
embarrassed him in front of the entire student body.

Time slipped by, between fiddling with homework parchments, and letting her mind wander, and it was time to leave  
for the corridor in the dungeons.

She tiptoed down the tower stairs, and hid behind a pillar to wait for the patrolling prefect to pass by. As the footsteps  
grew closer she ventured a peek to see who it was.

It was Remus, which meant it was okay to be seen. She slid out of her hiding place and smiled as the boy winked  
at her.

Down in the dungeons, her footsteps were muffled by the thick layer of dust in the unused corridor.

_Well, not completely unused_, thought Lily with an excited grin. She and Severus had been using this corridor for nearly  
a year to meet up for late night visits, and she had lost her virginity in one of the empty classrooms nearby.

At exactly 11:59pm soft footsteps shuffled her way, and a slightly smiling Severus embraced her.

"I've missed you," he whispered into her ear.

"You saw me yesterday. Today, too, if you count class."

"You know I don't count class." He said, half-scowling at the idea. "And yesterday I wasn't exactly coherent."

She pulled away from him. "Speaking of that, how are you feeling now?"

He unbuttoned his shirt to show off a large scar running around his left ribcage to his back. "It's fine now. Doesn't  
hurt at all."

"And your arm?" She asked. "Remus told me he'd seen a bandage on it."

Lily thought she saw a flicker of surprise cross his features, but he quickly covered it up.

"Ah, yes that. That's still… bothering me, I suppose. It runs a bit too deep for Madam Pomfrey to heal."

By the tone of Snape's voice Lily could tell that he wished to drop the subject, so she did.

"All right then." She kissed him lightly on the lips. "As long as you're ok."

"It's your birthday tomorrow," said lily. "I'll have to get you something nice."

"Oh, I have an idea in mind." He said with a wicked smile.

Desire burned in Snape's eyes, along with some other mysterious emotion that Lily could not pick out. She  
kissed him deeply, and he returned it in full force.

For the next few minutes, for Lily there was nothing but his lips against hers, his hands on her body. His boney hips  
pressed into hers and she could feel his growing erection.

She broke away "Not so fast," she said, panting from lack of breath. "You're not getting any of that tonight."

She had told Severus that sex had to be planned, so she could take proper precautions.

"I wasn't planning on it." He said, kissing her more softly. "I was thinking we could do that tomorrow."

"Ah, for your birthday?" she raised her eyebrow, and ran her hand the length of his back. "all right."

The night slipped by, they kissed, they touched, and in the end they sat down against the wall and talked.

"I'm thinking of becoming an Auror," said Lily. "I don't like what's going on with You-Know-Who."

Snape shifted uncomfortably. "But that's… dangerous, Lily. You could get hurt."

She grabbed his arm and put her head on his shoulder. "I know, but I think it's worth it. Someone has to fight him.  
We can't all cower in fear and stand on the sidelines."

"There is good reason to fear," said Snape solemnly. "He has magical abilities that are more terrible and powerful  
than most can imagine."

"Lots of the Gryffindor kids in my year are thinking about it too." She said excitedly.

"No doubt Potter is thinking about it, and Black, his little lapdog."

"Yes they are. Remus told me."

"Foolish Gryffindors…" he muttered.

She slapped him teasingly on the upper arm. "That's my house, you know."

Snape sighed heavily. "Yes, I know."

Lily took his hand and squeezed it lightly. "One day," she said. "I promise that won't matter anymore."

Snape's thoughts however, were lost in his loathing of James Potter and Sirius Black. "They're always after a good  
laugh at my expense. They _ plan_ things to do to me…"

"I've done my best to keep them in check, you know. I've asked Remus to tell them to back off several times."

"He's as bad the rest of them. He just _sits_ there and does nothing."

"Never mind." She kissed him on the cheek. "It's getting late," she said. "We'd better go to bed if we don't want to  
sleep through classes tomorrow."

They stood.

"Meet me here at the same time tomorrow?" she asked.

"Yes." He smiled slightly. "And I'll be sure to use a cushioning charm for the floor this time."

She laughed. "You'd better! I'd never had so many bruises!"

They kissed one last time, and while Lily was walking away she could sense that Snape had not left the spot where  
she left him. She felt his eyes on her back, until she was too far away to see in the dim light.

For a fleeting moment, she felt very far away from him; farther than the length of the hallway.


	3. Encounter in the Moonlight

Chapter 3: Encounter in the Moonlight

Classes on Friday went pretty much as predicted. The only difference was Lupin's absence from her  
Arithmancy class. _I'll have to remember to give him my notes._

She was concerned a bit for Remus, who was starting to feel the effects of the oncoming full moon and  
had stayed in bed. She told him she'd bring back some food from lunch if he'd felt up to it, but he said  
that Sirius and James had that covered, even if he wouldn't eat it.

Of course, she worried every time the full moon came, and worrying never did any good. Night would  
come, and the Remus Lupin she knew would disappear and be replaced by a unknown monster.

_Well, not completely unknown… I have seen a picture in a textbook once or twice._

She shook her head at the thought. She refused to believe that Remus ever turned into any of those  
creatures she saw in books.

Remus was a trusted friend and confidant, and Lily didn't care if one day a month he became a werewolf  
through no fault of his own. He didn't deserve to be looked down upon, or be considered a monster by  
society.

A bell signaling the end of class rang loudly and Lily was snapped out of her current train of thought.

Tonight, She was going to be with Severus again. She had prepared herself this morning with a  
contraception charm, and she was ready to give him the best birthday he'd ever had.

That night, she walked down from the tower, doing her best to keep her footsteps from echoing on the  
stone staircase.

She would meet him in the same hallway as always, and from there they would choose one of the empty  
classrooms to use. Severus had promised to use a cushioning charm this time, but she still carried her  
bed pillow with her, just incase.

Lily reached the ground floor and thought she heard the voices of James and Sirius, but they sounded alarmed,  
or angry. She heard a telltale squeak of fear which could have been none other than Peter Pettigrew, and  
she followed the sound.

They were across the hall at the main entrance, a January wind was blowing and it kept the door open where  
they stood. James was carrying something… no, some _one._

"Why did you do it Prongs?! You ruined it!" shouted Sirius.

James placed who he was carrying on the floor and Lily ran toward them.

"He could have been bitten or killed!" said James. "You think it would have been funny, huh?!"

She ran faster, her heart beating fast in her chest. _No, it couldn't be! He was supposed to meet me tonight…_

But she recognized the greasy black hair, hanging limply as Snape's head slumped backward.

She cared not that Sirius had just called her name, begging to explain. She practically flew to Snape's side,  
dropping the pillow she was holding along the way.

Lily saw his hair was matted with clotting blood, his eyes were closed and he looked terribly pale to her.

"Severus!"

Tears stung in her eyes, falling onto the fabric on Snape's chest.

"It was an accident…" insisted Sirius, nervously.

"No it wasn't, Padfoot! You could have killed him!" shouted James.

Sirius' voice stung with anger again. "_I_ nearly killed him? You were the one who barged in and smashed him  
against the wall!"

"It was to save his life!"

Lily stood up, tears still streaming down her face. She turned to Sirius and slapped him hard on the face.

Then she turned to Peter, who was shaking and fiddling with his cloak. "What happened to him?!" she demanded.

Peter looked surprised that she had asked him, but managed to stammer out some semblance of a reply.

"He was… we were… we were with Moony – I mean, Remus… For the full moon…" he started.

The small boy rambled on, and Lily learned of how Sirius had planned a "joke" of sorts and how when James  
found out he put a stop to it. Just as Snape opened the door to the Shrieking shack and saw Lupin, James cast  
a spell to throw Snape against a wall to knock him out, and dragged him out of there.

"I see." Said Lily calmly, and then turned back to Snape, who was beginning to stir.

"Sev? Can you hear me?"

Snape had a faraway look in his glassy eyes and almost looked frightful, until he locked onto Lily's face.

"Lily?" he asked, looking confused. "Was I late?"

"You're hurt, Sev. We're going to take you to the hospital wing; do you think you can stand?" she asked.

He nodded and got to his feet. He swayed, and Lily took his arm across his shoulders. She struggled under  
the weight.

Sirius moved forward and tried to take Snape's other side, but Lily glared daggers at him. "Don't you touch him!"

Instead, James pushed Sirius away and moved to Snape's other side, helping Lily

"I just wanted to make you laugh," said Sirius, his voice cracking. "I always… just want to make you laugh."

James, Sirius and Peter were confused at Lily's behavior. They knew Lily disapproved of the pranks they played  
on Snape, but they would have never guessed she would react this way… or call him "Sev."

It was Peter, actually who first began to piece things together. "Do you think…she's seeing him, or something?" he  
asked Sirius as they followed her solemnly up to the hospital wing.

Lily would have heard Sirius' reply, if she had cared enough to listen, but they were approaching the doors to the  
hospital wing and she called to peter to open them.

Inside, she took Snape over to the nearest bed, and told James to get Madam Pomfrey, and Peter to get the  
headmaster. She stared at Sirius, who did not have enough will to flee punishment under her gaze.

The world around Lily was blurring by. She could do nothing but stare at Sirius Black, who had nearly been the  
cause of Severus' death. The mediwitch buzzed around Snape's bed, Headmaster Dumbledore came by along  
with Professors Averill and McGonagall – The heads of Slytherin and Gryffindor.

The story was told and retold, and ultimately, she was sent back to Gryffindor tower, loosing 20 points for  
being out of bed.

Her mind numb with worry, sleep would not come easily, especially without a pillow.

It wasn't until she had already watched the sun rise though a blur of tears, that she was swallowed into the peace  
of unconsciousness.

She skipped classes the next day. Both too tired and not finding the will to get out of bed.

A million emotions were running through her head. Shock, disbelief, and anger at how Sirius could  
have planned something like that; worry for Snape, and a renewed sense of the danger lurking beneath Lupin's skin.

_What if he was bitten?_ She wondered. What would she do if the boy she loved was a werewolf?

_Could we still kiss?_ The thought of being so close to a werewolf's teeth had her nervous._ Or have sex? _Sex with  
werewolves was not covered in a standard 6th year textbook, unfortunately.

But she would stand by him. Hadn't she just yesterday reminded herself that she disagreed with how werewolves  
were treated and thought of? She loved Severus yesterday, and she would love him tomorrow, even if he were a  
werewolf.

She let the day go on, eventually getting dressed and venturing into the common room on occasion. Her dorm-mates  
came in and out. Kay Kessan and Alex Winters even brought some notes for her from Charms and Defense classes.

"What's got you down, Lily?" Kay had asked her late in the afternoon.

"How do you know I'm just not feeling well?" Lily asked hopefully.

"For one, you're not in the hospital wing, and I can tell you've been crying all day."

Lily sighed. She didn't want to get into this conversation. For one, no one was supposed to know that Remus was a  
werewolf, and two, no one was supposed to know that she was dating Severus. It was all around a bad time to ask  
Lily what she was upset about.

Kay shrugged when Lily didn't answer. "Suit yourself." She was about to leave, but then turned around suddenly, as if  
she had remembered something. "Oh yeah!" she said, starting to dig through her pockets.

"Alex wanted me to give you something. She said it was important…"

Lily watched Kay take out an assortment of troublemaking equipment. Tons of Zonko's products, dung bombs, and vials  
of potions that she certainly was not allowed to have.

_Was that a live mouse?!_

Finally the other girl found what she was looking for and handed Lily a crumpled up letter.

"Sorry about that… well, I got to run!" she quickly left and Lily eyed the Letter curiously.

She didn't know her dorm mates well, but they were friendly enough with each other. Alex seemed rather withdrawn at  
times, though. It was odd of her to give Lily a letter.

She opened and read it.

_Lily,  
There's something I feel obligated to tell you. I'll tell you tonight when Kay's asleep.  
-Alex W._

Whatever it was, it would have to wait. Lily was planning on sneaking into the hospital wing tonight to see Severus.

As of right now, he wasn't allowed any visitors, according to Remus, who was just out of the hospital wing himself.

_Poor Remus. He must feel horrible! _

Lily tried to imagine what it would be like to learn that you had nearly killed someone due to a prank your best friend  
tried to pull off without your knowledge.

_It's not like he would have known what he was doing though,_ thought Lily. _He's not himself when he's a werewolf._

Dinner that night was somewhat subdued. James and Sirius apparently were not talking to each other, as they sat on  
opposite sides of the room. Peter must have felt lost, as he was sitting alone as well.

Lily wasn't sure where to sit herself. She didn't really wish to be alone because the events of last night were still too  
fresh in her mind. Memories of Snape's blood and the weight of his body being supported by hers kept playing over  
and over like a broken record.

"Hey, uh, Lily?"

It was James calling out to her. Perhaps fate would choose where she sat instead. She welcomed the lack of  
responsibility in choice.

She walked towards him and sat across from him, on the end of the Hall table where there were few students.

"James," she greeted.

"I wanted to talk to you about last night." He said, lowering his voice now that Lily was closer.

She sighed and rolled her eyes. "Really, James, the last thing I want to think about –"

"Please, I need to tell you," He insisted, interrupting her.

She let him continue.

"I wanted you to know that I had no Idea what Sirius was planning. I had nothing to do with it, and…" he paused a  
moment, and seemed uncomfortable looking her in the eye. "I'm sorry about Snape. I mean, I didn't mean to hurt  
him that badly, and I uh, didn't know that you… were like that… with him."

This surprised Lily, but she supposed it should have, after her display last night.

Her first instinct was to deny it whole-heartedly. To say that she was simply concerned for someone who was hurt,  
and that Severus meant nothing to her.

But she couldn't bring herself to say it. Tears induced by months of hiding, and the stress of keeping it a secret  
from everyone but Remus caught up with her.

"No one is supposed to know." She whispered.

"Well, it's okay, Lily. I won't tell anyone. And neither will Peter." James blushed and waited for Lily to regain  
composure. He didn't anticipate making her cry.

"Sorry about that," said Lily, wiping away the tears. "And I believe you, so don't worry."

James sighed in relief. "Oh good."

They continued talking throughout dinner. Lily found his company blessedly distracting and even chuckled at some  
of the silly comments he made. And when the time came to leave, she was slightly sad to have to return to her  
dormitory while James served detention.

Time flowed slowly once again. Kay offered to play exploding snap, but Lily declined, and instead chose to sit by  
the fireplace in the common room.

Remus was there on the couch, looking tired and worn, which was not unusual the day after the full moon.

"Hello, Remus."

Remus seemed to be startled out of his thoughts by her words, but quickly recovered himself. .

"Hello, Lily." He smiled slightly.

She sat down on the opposite side of the couch.

"I have your notes from the other day up in my dorm."

"Thanks."

Lily sighed at the awkward conversation. She was about to say something about how she was sorry that he had

to go through all that, and that he would still be her friend no matter what, but Remus spoke first.

"Lily, I wanted to talk to you about something." He looked nervous.

"Yes?"

Remus stared straight ahead into the fire, looking as if he felt uncomfortable, or ill.

"I've heard some Rumors, Lily. About Snape."

_Dear God no…_ thought Lily. _Word of our relationship couldn't have traveled that fast, could it?_

"It may be hard for you to hear it Lily, so I hesitate to tell you."

Lily prepared herself with a deep breath. "Go ahead, Remus."

"They say that some of they Slytherins in our year started working for…Him…over the holiday."

Whatever Lily was expecting, this wasn't it. She was almost relieved – She knew that Severus would never turn to  
you-know-who's side.

"No, no, Remus. Never Severus."

"I'm not so sure, Lily." Lupin sighed.

"He wouldn't," Lily insisted. "We've talked about it. He told me he'd never do it. That he'd rather die than serve _Him_."

She was almost starting to get annoyed that Remus would doubt such a thing.

"I know it's hard to hear, Lily, but I think it might be true. Haven't you noticed it? The way the Slytherins aren't teasing  
him as much as before the holiday?"

Now she was angry. "He wouldn't Remus! If I tell you he wouldn't then he wouldn't!"

Remus said nothing.

To be honest, Lily had noticed it. But she thought that perhaps the boys who teased him were growing up, or had  
something better to do with their time now.

"He wouldn't," she said with finality. This conversation was over as far as she was concerned.

"I'm going to see him tonight. Don't wait up for me."


	4. The Wound that Runs too Deep

Chapter 4: The Wound That Runs to Deep

The night eventually came, and Lily snuck out of Gryffindor tower for the third night in a row.

She was anxious to see Severus to see if he was all right.

The hospital wing was dark and quiet. She was glad that no other students were in the ward at  
this time.

There was only one bed occupied, in the very back.

_Sev_…

Lily slipped in quietly, and closed the door softly behind her. She made her way to the back of the  
room, where Severus appeared to be sleeping. His head was bandaged, but he looked no worse  
for the wear.

She could tell he was in better shape than the night before, but she still didn't know if he had  
been bitten or not.

She risked slipping her hand into his, and Snape jerked awake.

"Shhh, shhhh… Sev, it's only me." she said.

"Lily," he said in recognition. "I'm glad you're here."

She smiled. "I'm glad you're ok!" then she remembered that he might be a werewolf, and her smile  
disappeared suddenly. "You are, aren't you? You're not… infected?"

Snape sighed. "No. I'm not a werewolf. The test results came back around dinner time."

She leaned over and held him tightly. "I was so worried."

"I'm being released tomorrow morning…Sit with me a while, Lily," he requested. "I've missed you."

Lily sat on the side of the bed, took h is hand, kissed it, and placed it on her lap. "I've missed you too."

"Some birthday." He muttered.

She sighed, then smiled. "Yes, I'm sorry I couldn't show you a good time."

"You still could, you know," he whispered devilishly.

"Sev! Here?!" she said in disbelief. "In the hospital wing?"

"No one's here," he said, sitting up. "No one would notice – we're both rather quiet."

She laughed, and was intrigued by the prospect despite herself. "All right," she said. "But we can't  
fall asleep! I have to get back to the tower before Madam Pomfrey comes to check on you in the  
morning."

"Agreed," he replied, then quickly grabbed her around the waist and pulled her down onto the bed,  
kissing the back of her neck softly.

Lily kicked off her shoes and removed a few articles of clothing while Severus was busy kissing and  
caressing her hips and thighs. She flipped over to face him and crawled under the covers.

She giggled when she found that he wasn't wearing pajamas, but rather a long grey nightshirt, that  
looked straight out of the 19th century.

"What's so funny?" asked Snape.

"You're wearing a nightgown!"

"It's a night_shirt_, thank you very much, and that's what all proper wizards wear to bed."

She laughed again and kissed him. "Never mind."

It was perfect bliss, as far as Lily was concerned. All her fears were extinguished knowing that Severus  
was all right, and sex in a warm, comfortable bed was a first.

He knew exactly where to touch her, and how fast. Lily felt swallowed into him, her soul and his  
intertwining at the height of climax.

And in the end, they were warmed by each other's bodies and she rested her head on his shoulder,  
spending a few moments in the afterglow.

The moment was quickly shattered. Snape pulled away from her quickly, his face grimaced in pain  
as he clutched his left arm.

"Sev, what's wrong?" Lily asked, sitting up with him.

"It's nothing… just my injury" he said through clenched teeth. "You'd better go, Lily."

She shook her head. "I'm staying with you. Maybe I can help," she said, reaching for the bandage on  
his arm. "Or I could get Madam Pomfrey."

"No!" he nearly shouted.

She backed off, but when he moaned in pain she couldn't just sit around. "Let me see it Sev."

She started to unravel the bandage when Snape pulled quickly away from her.

That was when his "injury" was revealed.

Lily gasped and nearly fell off the bed, trying to get away from the sight. "That's _his_ symbol, isn't  
it?" she asked in disbelief.

Snape did not reply. He looked at her with his pain filled eyes and shook his head slightly.

"You promised me…" she stated, still in shock.

"I have to go." Snape said evenly..

Lily stood there, watching as he grabbed his wand and cloak, and walked out the door without  
as much as a glance at her.

And he was gone.

She stood there for a long while. Then crawled into the hospital bed where they had just made love.

She could smell him there still, and her mind lingered on that scent while tears poured from her eyes  
and her breath caught in her throat.

She felt dirty and violated. As if she had just had sex with Voldemort himself without knowing it.

Only a few hours ago she had spoken to Remus, swearing up and down that Severus would never turn  
into one of _them_.

_How stupid am I? _thought Lily. _He was acting strange ever since he came back from holiday and I saw nothing._

It took a while before Lily could compose herself enough to return to Gryffindor tower. When she got there,  
however, she was surprised to find Alex sitting up and awake in her bed.

_That's right. She left me that note saying she would talk to me tonight._

"Hello," Alex whispered.

Lily tried her best to wipe away the tears and to appear as if she had _not_ been crying. "Hi, Alex… I forgot  
about tonight. I didn't mean to make you stay up."

"That's all right.. but come, sit down. I need to talk to you about something."

Alex's pale skin looked even paler in the moonlight streaming in the window, and she seemed unbothered  
by Kay's incessant snoring.

Lily eyed her warily as she sat on the edge of the blond girl's bed. Alex had never wanted to talk to her much  
before. Occasionally they exchanged notes when one of them was absent, but for the most part, Alex kept  
to herself.

"What is it exactly you wanted to talk to be about?"

Alex shifted under the covers of her bed. "I wanted to tell you something I learned from my brother over the  
holiday."

Lily nodded and motioned for her to continue. She really didn't want to deal with anything else tonight, but

Alex had stayed up all night for her.

"My brother, he's…well, I suppose I'll just say it. He's a supporter - a follower, really of You-Know-Who."

Lily was a bit shocked to hear someone she hardly knew talk about something like this so openly. Talking  
about the Dark Lord made Lily's eyes mist over, thinking about Severus. But there was very little light in the  
room, and Lily was fairly certain that Alex could not see her that clearly to notice.

Alex continued. "I wasn't supposed to hear him, but I was upstairs in the bathroom, and the vents are connected.  
He was talking to his friend – that Malfoy boy who graduated a few years ago. They were saying that some of  
the boys in our year took an oath of some type, to _him_."

_No, I don't want to be talking about this…_

"Well, that's all very fascinating, but I really do have to get to bed." Lily tried her best not to let emotion show  
in her voice, and started to walk to her own bed.

"I know you see him at night, Lily."

Lily stopped in her tracks, turned around and asked Alex, very pointedly, "How do you know that?"

Alex did not look her in the eyes as she spoke next. She seemed to be staring off into the distance somewhere  
farther away then their tower room.

"I don't sleep much, these days." She said. "I watch you leave and come back with half-closed eyes, and I hear  
you say his name in your sleep."

Lily's world was crashing down. How many other people knew then? Was she that careless when sneaking out  
at night? And now he had left to serve his new master without even so much as looking back at her or giving  
an explanation.

She would not cry again tonight. She refused to. Instead, she let every feeling inside of her slip away into  
nothingness, and embraced the numbness that followed.

But Alex went on. "He's one of them now. I didn't really want to tell you, but… something inside of me said that  
I should." She looked up at Lily now and looked a bit more confident, as if preparing for an argument.

"I know."

Days passed slowly. She couldn't keep her mind focused on her studies or her friends. And for Lily, it felt as  
if a part of her soul were ripped out of her. She was less alive.

Remus noticed of course, but he asked no questions, and gave no words of comfort.

Severus hadn't spoken to her since, but today Lily caught him looking at her from across the great hall at  
breakfast. She wondered if he had anything to say.

_What would he say? _Lily asked herself, while trying to work on her class work. _He knows I couldn't be with _

_him with that…_thing_ on his arm._

"I would never turn to _him_, Lily, you know that." He had said to her.

_You lied. _

Lily heard the bell ring and headed for the doorway of the Transfiguration classroom.

"Miss Evans? Are you quite all right?"

The voice of Professor McGonagall startled her.

"Oh, um, yes, I just…" she couldn't think of what to say, she certainly couldn't tell her head of house what  
happened.

"You seem distracted today in class, and that's very unlike you. I'm very willing to talk with you if you have  
any concerns at all, even if they're not academic." The older witch smiled softly and patted Lily on the shoulder.

"It's private," said Lily. "I'm sorry."

She walked quickly away from her professor, as if somehow by simply being in her presence someone could  
figure out what was going on in her mind.

She didn't want to think about it any longer. She just wanted to go to lunch and get on with her day.

And that is what she would have done, but she heard voices down an unused corridor and a slight scuffling  
sound that seemed worth investigation.

She peered around the corner and was shocked to find Remus Lupin holding Snape against the wall by his  
neck about halfway down the corridor.

"You Listen to me, Snape." Remus said, his teeth bared. "You stay away from her. I don't want you to hurt  
her anymore. She's had enough of you!"

Lupin's face was white and Snape seemed uncomfortable being so near to him and his teeth, but he  
managed to say "You don't scare me, werewolf!' in a harsh whisper while trying to pry Remus' fingers  
off his neck.

"You don't know how much you've hurt her do you?! I heard you talking to Nott. He probably thinks you're  
seeing some Slytherin 4th year. You were keen on getting back together with her. Said how you'd say that  
it wasn't a real mark. That it was just a Tattoo that Lucius Malfoy made for you!"

"What's it to you! I can slip you know, I can let out your little secret…"

"And I," said Lupin, releasing Snape and tugging his robes straight. "Can let slip yours."

Lily wasn't sure if she understood what was just said. She was barely grasping the concept that Remus

had just threatened the boy she thought she loved.

Part of her wanted to be mad at Remus, but she knew she should be somewhat appreciative for  
trying to defend her.

Severus Snape stood to the side of the doors to the Great Hall, and Lily found herself frozen to the spot.

She was surprised that he had gotten there so quickly, but then realized that he used a secret passage  
that they used to use early in 6th year, before Mr. Chambers had discovered it.

He looked the same as he always did, barring some bruises on his neck, but Lily knew that underneath  
his uniform shirt and robe that he still wore the mark of someone claimed by the dark lord.

"What do you want?" she asked, for a moment afraid that the words wouldn't come out.

He sighed, and looked at her in such a way that she almost wanted to break down and go back to the way  
things were. Almost.

"I want to talk to you."

"Yeah, well, I don't have anything to say to you, I'm afraid." Lily focused on her anger and pushed out any  
thoughts of moments of tenderness with him.

She pushed open one door and walked into the Great Hall, not looking back, but Snape was following her,  
one arm outstretched. "Lily, please! Listen to me!"

"I made a mistake, but I want you back!" he said, trying to catch up with her. "I didn't want to do it!"

For a moment she wanted to believe it. She wanted to believe whatever lie he was going to come out with.

It was just a tattoo Lucius Malfoy made for fun – there's no harm in that…But she couldn't pretend.

She stopped on a dime, turned around and looked him in the eyes, not caring that the entire Great Hall was  
watching what was happening.

"Nothing you can say can make me trust you again! You lied to me! You swore that you'd never do it!" blood  
was pounding in her ears, and her voice was much louder than she had intended, but it felt good.

Snape looked frightened for a moment, as if she'd announce to the whole student body what he had done.

But he came right back at her. "That's what I thought then, but it's a bit different when you're there with a wand  
pressed against your throat and a knife in your side! What would you have done?!"

"I would have been dead anyway! Or do you forget that I'm a filthy mud blood?!"

Snape was about to say more, but he was cut off when a loud bang erupted as James Potter slammed the  
doors open and strode in. He was flushed and breathing heavily and he looked furious.

The direction of everyone's heads in the great hall turned to stare at him now, and Sirius Black who was  
standing in the doorway.

Lily thought he looked a bit sad, but in a different way than Lily could place. Her own thoughts were still  
quite clouded with her own problems.

She thought that she could resume giving Snape a tongue lashing, but James was quickly approaching  
her and by the look in his eyes, she could tell that she was his target.

James pushed Snape aside in the aisle, knocking him into several Hufflepuff students who were sitting at  
their house table. Lily was afraid she was next, until James stopped in front of her and slammed his fist  
down on the Gryffindor table.

"Lily Evans will you go out with me?!" he shouted, a determined look on his face.

Lily was surprised, but anger at Snape was still lingering within her. It was that anger - and quite a bit of carelessness - perhaps that caused her to say the next few words.

"Yes, James Potter. I would love to go out with you."


	5. Courtship

Chapter 5: Courtship

_Well, this is awkward…_

Lily was in a state of slight disbelief that she was sitting across from James Potter in the Three Broomsticks.

_You did agree to this, didn't you?_ A voice in her head said.

James was blushing slightly, but he sounded excited as he said; "So, um, thanks for coming out here with me."

"You're welcome." Lily responded just a little too quickly.

James shifted uncomfortably in his seat. "Well, uh, do you want a butterbeer? It's free."

Lily looked at him skeptically.

"Eh, well, it's not free," James rubbed the back of his head. "But I'm buying it for you, so it's kind of free for you."

"I'd like one, thanks." Lily said, slightly forcing herself to make this feel like a normal date.

James left to retrieve said drinks, and Lily was left to stair out the window and the snow covered street.

It was only a week after the incident in the great hall that a Hogsmede weekend was available for James to take Lily out. He had been silent about it all week, which surprised Lily.

Lily had expected James to shout over the rooftops that the elusive Lily Evans had just agreed to go out with him. But she noticed that James withdrew from the spotlight that week, and almost seemed… sad.

James returned with the drinks and Lily accepted her butterbeer graciously.

"Have you thought about what you want to do when you get out of Hogwarts?" asked James suddenly.

"Well, I'm thinking about becoming an Auror," she said. "How about you?"

"I was thinking the same thing, really," he turned and looked out the window. "I don't like things that are happening lately with… You-Know-Who."

Lily sighed. "Yeah, I know."

"Well, we're both thinking about becoming Aurors, so we might see each other at the academy." James smiled.

"True."

"You're not really into this, are you?"

Lily was taken aback by the question. _I have been rather distant, actually._ She realized.

"No, it's not that…" she searched for something to say, and sipped her butterbeer to give herself time to think.

Truth was, she wasn't very interested in James, but anger at Snape's betrayal and the prospect of male company had driven her to give it a try.

"I've just broken up with someone. So starting all over is kind of strange."

James had known about Lily's relationship with Snape, so hopefully that would be a respectable enough answer.

James nodded. "Oh, ok. Well, I can understand that." He didn't sound too convinced.

"Next week is a quidditch match, isn't it?" she asked, trying to make conversation. "Who are you playing?"

James seemed to perk up at the prospect of quidditch conversation. "Oh, we're playing Ravenclaw next Saturday." He smiled. "They don't stand a chance!"

The young man next to her then proceeded to spout off a bunch of technical quidditch terms to explain the reason why the Gryffindors would win. Lily smiled slightly seeing him so enthused.

In the middle of his explanation on broom speeds versus model number, Remus Lupin walked over to their table.

"I'm sorry to bother you," he looked at James. "But Sirius wanted me to tell you James that there is a new line of exploding cupcakes at Zonko's. Thought you might want to check them out."

There was a pregnant pause in the air and James had stopped smiling. Was it just Lily or did Remus look a little…annoyed?

"You can tell Sirius," James began in a business-like tone. "That I'm on a date with Lily Evans, the most beautiful _girl_ in all of Hogwarts, and that I am busy."

James stood up and for a moment Lily was afraid that he was about to confront Remus. But when the boy spoke again it was in a slightly softer tone. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to get another butterbeer. You want one, Lily?"

Lily shook her head. "No, I'm fine for now, thanks."

James strode past Remus and went over to the bar counter.

Lily heard Remus sigh, and now she was just too curious. "What's going on?" she whispered. "Why didn't Sirius come in himself?"

"They're not talking." Remus said, his mouth a grim line.

"Why aren't they talking?"

"I'm not at liberty to discuss it."

Lily was slightly taken aback. James and Sirius had had a few little spats before, but nothing Remus hadn't told her about. It was strange, and Lily found she was somewhat bothered that it was Remus who refused to talk about it.

James came back with another butterbeer and discreetly told Remus to bugger off.

"See you later, Lily." Remus said while he walked away.

Lily looked curiously at James who was twirling his empty bottle from earlier in his hands.

"I don't suppose you're going to tell me why you and Sirius aren't talking, are you?"

Said bottle promptly crashed to the floor. "Uh, Sorry!" James said to the waiter who came over to clean it up with a spell.

"Look, it's complicated, all right?" he said to Lily. "I don't want to talk about it."

James took a long pull from his current bottle of butterbeer, then said. "Well, it's almost time to go back to Hogwarts… Did you have a good time today?"

Lily nodded absentmindedly. "Yeah," she said.

James was smiling again. "Then would you like to do it again?"

Lily thought a moment. James was good company and her over-curious nature wanted to find out more about why he wasn't talking to Sirius.

"Okay."

On the way back to the carriages, James took Lily by the hand. It was not at all unpleasant.

They returned to school just in time for dinner. Lily sat with James, as was her usual routine now. She found it strange that Sirius and Remus sat two tables down from them. Lily could only assume it was to give them privacy, but in the great hall, there is no privacy to be had.

Conversation was sparse, and James did most of the talking. More than once Lily found her gaze shifting across to the Slytherin table over James' shoulder.

Snape wasn't at dinner tonight.

_Why am I worrying about him? He's no longer in my life. _Lily chastised herself and tried to focus on what James was saying about a Defense assignment he had earlier in the week.

The double doors opened quietly and pale young man with familiar greasy black hair stepped in. Both Lily and James turned to watch him slink over to the Slytherin table.

James turned back when Snape sat down, but Lily could not keep her eyes from wandering back to her former lover.

He was talking to a Slytherin Seventh year, who was holding a brown bag. Snape held out a galleon and the older boy exchanged the bag for it.

"Lily?" James' words snapped her attention back to him. "Don't worry about him."

James looked slightly annoyed, but there was a kindness in his tone. "He's not worth it… He's not – " James cut himself off, then started over, more quietly, "He's not the same person you fell in love with."

Suddenly Lily's world became blurry and wet. She tried to wipe her eyes, but the tears kept on coming.

"I'm sorry, I have to go," she said, her voice shaky.

She was out the door before she realized James had followed her.

"Lily, wait – "

Lily stopped walking and found her way to rest her back against a stone pillar.

James stood a few feet away from her. "Lily? Are you okay?"

"I'm fine." She said, wiping her face.

"Was it anything I said?"

She shook her head. "No, no. It's all right."

"Oh good, I thought…" James trailed off, leaving behind an awkward silence.

"Listen," Lily said, after the tears had stopped "You don't have to say anything. This is something I'm just going to have to deal with."

James looked at the ground and looked like he had trouble standing still. "But I _want_ to say something. I _want_ to make it better for you somehow."

Against her better judgment, Lily walked toward him and placed her arms around his waist. "You can't, James. No one can."

James' arms tightened around her back, and Lily felt something inside of her let go. Tears poured from her eyes, staining James' robes.

"Do you know I've always wanted this?" said James softly in her ear.

"You wanted tears and snot on your robes?"

"I've wanted to hold you in my arms, just like this, since the day I met you."

And at that moment Lily felt very secure. James had always wanted her, and she knew it before he said anything. James would never hurt her, James _couldn't_ hurt her.

_Perhaps…_ Lily thought to herself, _this isn't so bad._

That night, Lily snuck out of Gryffindor tower once again. She needed some air and some time to think.

When she had first agreed to go out with James, she had intended it as a way of stabbing back at Snape. However, now, she was getting to know James.

James was kind and gentle and cared genuinely for her.

_Maybe I could give this a real try…_

Footsteps.

Lily hid behind the corner, and braved a look around the corner.

Severus was there. He looked pale and ragged, like his soul was being eaten away.

He stared right at her. He knew she was here.

Lily stepped out of the shadows, knowing she was found.

They stood staring at each other in silence for a good minute. She remembered him clearly; his eyes, his voice, his smell, his touch. Memories clouded her mind and it was hard to focus.

It was Snape who spoke first. "Lily, I want to talk to you."

Lily took a step back, unconsciously. "I _don't_ want to talk to _you_."

"Please, you need to understand…I didn't want to do it."

Lily sighed. She didn't want to fight with him. She was tired of thinking about it, talking about it, _knowing_ about it.

"Please, Sev. You know I can't – "

She didn't know exactly how it happened. Suddenly, Severus' arms were wrapped around her tightly; his lips were pressed against hers. She tasted alcohol.

She tried to pull away, but only managed to gasp out the words "You're drunk!" in between breaths.

"I'm not drunk." Snape said defiantly. "I just want you."

His hands were crawling like spiders against the skin under her shirt. His mouth was invading hers. His legs were pinning her down to the stone cold floor, and for a moment lily was reminded of the first time they made love to each other on the floor of an abandoned classroom. The thought sickened her.

She was trying to break free of his grasp, her arms pushing against his chest desperately. "No! I don't want to!" she shouted.

Suddenly, there were footsteps pounding in their direction. Snape didn't seem to notice until he was ripped violently away from her by a pair of strong arms.

It was James Potter. He had thrown Snape to the ground and kicked him once in the side for good measure.

"Are you okay?" a voice was asking from behind her. She turned around and saw Remus Lupin, looking slightly red in the cheeks and panting as if he had been running.

"Yes," she said, letting relief wash over her.

Remus dropped a piece of parchment he was holding and started to walk over to Lily, but James reached her first to embrace her.

"I'm glad you're all right." He said, squeezing her tightly. "I'm sorry I wasn't here sooner."

Remus picked up the parchment and looked oddly disappointed.

"How did you know I was here? How did you know I needed help?" she asked.

James released her. "Let's just say that we have a way of just knowing these things." He winked at her.

Snape was starting to stand up but he was leaning heavily on the wall.

James' face contorted in anger. "You best stay away from her Snape!"

Snape staggered over to where the other boy was standing with a look of loathing. He was hunched over slightly, and James took this as a sign of submission.

"Have anything to say for yourself?" James asked moving closer to Snape and seemingly growing taller by the second.

Snape looked James in the eye briefly, before bending over to vomit on the other boy's shoes.

"Oh, Bloody Hell!" James said, holding his nose.

Remus aimed a quick spell at James' feet to take care of the mess.

James punched Snape once in the jaw.

"STOP IT!" Lily grabbed on to James' arm. "Just let him be. He's not going to get up as it is. He's drunk."

James stepped back and turned to Lily. "Right. It's ok now. Let's go back to the tower."


End file.
